Losing Your Temper- Anger is an easy way to assure that your kids will grow up to lash out on people they love, even though it can be difficult you MUST learn to maintain your temper at all times. IMPORTANT to not get angry with your child for something that was accidental, accidents happen all throughout life, and if you get angry with them for simple accidents , they wont come to you for help with bigger accidents or problems later in life. I know for a lot of people this is incredibly difficult, but if you learn to control your anger it will greatly benefit you and your children.
Physical Punishment- Older generations swear by this, but its parenting through pain and fear, your kids will come to fear you instead of actually respecting you, plus its child abuse so it shouldn't be done anyway.
Inconsistency- To take a page from the NFL, don't make random punishments for random things that don't make sense. If your child misbehaves, and 2 weeks later does it again, give the same punishment as you did before, BUT if its something that's ongoing and the behavior doesn't change, increase the punishment until it is corrected.
Bribery- NEVER bribe your children into doing something that they need to do anyway. This will incentivize them to not want to unless they receive something in return. You don't always get a reward for doing good things in life, but it does come back around eventually. Teach your kids to do what's right at all times regardless of personal gain.
Unconnected Consequences- Children respond best when the consequences of their behavior seem to naturally flow. For example, staying out past curfew should have a consequence such as coming in earlier the following weekend. If the child proves that they cannot be trusted to live with a curfew, then they have to rebuild that trust over time. Try to find natural consequences. A child who punches a hole in a wall during a fit of anger could incur the logical consequence of having to pay to repair it or repair it themselves. When the consequence does not fit the infraction, the lessons are not always learned.
Confusing Roles-Always make it known that you are the parent and they are the child, but NOT in a authoritarian type of way. But in the sense that you are older and wiser and have made mistakes that will give the kids good lessons to be learned. This can be incredibly difficult, but staying consistent is important for this.
**Imposing Excessive Guilt- Trying to use guilt almost always backfires. "I slave my life away for you, and you can't even clear your dishes off the table," and similar statements should be avoided. If you make a child feel responsible for things that go wrong in your life, you are acting like a codependent, not a parent. Stay away from the guilt trips and just impose consequences relative to their actions.
**Comparing to Others- “So and so got good grades why didn't you" You must avoid statements like this at all costs, it makes the child feel inadequate and that they’re a disappointment. While it may occasionally be good to reference other children when talking to your child, directly comparing your child to others will not help them.
Not allowing your child to fail-It’s important to let your kid fail, failure is part of the process, cant overprotect from everything, they must learn their own lessons. If they get out to the world and encounter a problem, they won’t be able to handle it and will likely just shut down or have an anxiety attack. You more you “protect” your child, the more you’re setting them up for failure as an adult. Now you much find balance with this like all other things, help out enough to reassure them that you love them, but not so much that they aren’t able to overcome problems on their own.
Use authoritative parenting, the most comprehensive of the "4 styles". For this style you're using a combination of demanding, and supportive. The opposite being uninvolved/neglectful, which is undemanding, and unsupportive. Many parents use an authoritarian style parenting, which the parent demands respect and doesn't try to earn it, this is VERY common among parents and has been for a very long time. There has to be mutual trust, mutual respect, for a healthy parent-child relationship to work.
Have actual conversations with your children. Too many parents get caught in the trap of talking to their children, like children. Which may seem obvious at first, but at a point if you treat your child like a child, they will act like a child. Treat them as an adult, they will act like an adult. I'm not saying dump a bunch of adult problems on your 7 year old and expect them to understand, but converse with your kids as you would another adult. Children are usually open books and if you get on their level and actually talk to them, you'll realize how intelligent they really are. Children pick up on things MUCH faster than adults (besides complex stuff obviously), you'll be shocked how much your children are actually aware of. Also when you have a real conversation with your children, they'll be more likely to come to you when they have problems or just want to talk later in life.
Give constructive criticism when they do something wrong, and praise when they do something good, but not too much of either. This one is very difficult, as we tend to focus on what is wrong rather than what's good. If we criticize too much the child the child will lose confidence, if we praise too much they get a big head. This is something that is almost never perfect and requires constant reassessing on your part as the parent. You also don't want to criticize just to balance out too much praise though, if they're being praised too much, challenge them more. Children need to be challenged or they'll give up when times get difficult later in life.